Given Donald Trump’s campaign rhetoric and the support his campaign received from those in the alt-right, the Election has people of color and minority communities feeling understandably nervous about what may transpire during the coming Trump administration.
We at Multiracial Media understand. We’re part of this Multiracial Community, and we’re worried too.
Never fear, though, we are strong advocates for our Community, so we have come up with a 10-point plan for those in our Community to weather what lies ahead.
- Emigrate to Germany: Right? How crazy is it that the boogeyman of WWII is now possibly one of the last few sane nation-states on Earth, and it’s presided over by a woman to boot (yeah Mother Merkel)! Yeah, Canada’s Justin Trudeau has poster-boy good looks, and he’s crazy in love for all minorities, but Germany has the 4th largest economy in the World, it’s in Europe (hello Eurail Pass), and when’s the last time you looked cool driving a Canadian car?
2. Change your last name to Trump: Yes, the incoming administration doesn’t seem to have too much room for minorities and people of color, but above all else, our President-Elect values family (he loves collecting wives, and he’s installing basically every member of his family in a newly created Executive Agency called the “Department of Selling Gaudy Things”). So, yeah, if you’re Multiracial you might be worried about racism and discrimination, but if you’re named “Trump” no need to worry. Papa will look out for you. Just go down to DC, fill out a SF-171 and get yourself a Civil Service position at the new family Department . . . store.
3. Adopt a Russian accent: Because, you know, Putin.
4. Get a job at Breitbart: Yes, we know, this might be asking a lot. But consider this, with the incoming administration, the folks at Breitbart are going to be working hard to show that they are fair and balanced and not prejudiced at all. How better to do this than hiring minority peoples. Yes, it could get a little awkward at the annual holiday party variety show when they do the “funny” skits recreating slavery, genocide of Native Americans, and internment of Japanese; however, think about all the fun you could have editing (er, sabotaging) headlines just before going to print – i.e., “40 Acres and a Mule Declared Official Policy of Trump Administration: Payment of Reparations To Begin Immediately” or “In Apology to Native Americans, Trump Administration deeds all Red States back to Sioux and Cherokee Nations.” Talk about fun!
5. Volunteer to build the wall between the U.S. and Mexico: Look, we all know that building the famous “wall” would be cost-prohibitive, so much so that it will never happen. But, what if the folks building the wall were to agree to forego salary and did the work on a pro bono basis? Talk about providing an invaluable service for which the nation would be forever indebted.
6. Get job-retraining as a home-health aide and apply to work for Rudy Giuliani: Poor Rudy. What happened? He was so robust, so dynamic, so tough. Now, look at him. Do a favor for the President-Elect for which he will forever owe you one – take care of his doddering old friend.
7. Apply to the Omarosa Manigault School of Shameless Self-Promotion: The new Administration is going to need a certain number of minority persons that it can trot out every so often to defend the indefensible. Why should someone else get that job instead of you? Apply now and get your degree. The other upside, you likely will be able to get rid of pesky relatives, who will no longer be able to be in the same room as you.
8. Register to vote as a Republican in the industrial Northeast: Yeah, Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin went for the President-Elect this time, but who knows what lies ahead in 2020? If you want to make yourself invaluable, you will be there on Election night 4 years from now ready to pull the lever for DT (though what happens in the ballot box stays in the ballot box . . . wink-wink)
9. Learn how to thumb-type faster than anyone: At some point, the business of being President will no doubt prove so overwhelming that Mr. Trump may be forced to consider relinquishing the task of actually thumb-typing his own tweets. If you’re ready, and we mean really read (140 characters in the time it takes to say: “Crooked” and “Sad”) you may have saved yourself from an existence filled with persecution by becoming likely the most revered member of the Presidential staff.
10. Develop your own “fake news” website: One of the most important ingredients to making sure that the new administration succeeds wildly and beyond anyone’s expectations is ensuring that there are plenty of “fake news” articles out there talking about how the new administration is succeeding wildly and beyond anyone’s expectations. You want to curry favor with those who support the administration but who are lukewarm, at best, about minorities – well then, the answer is simple: make up news about how great they are.
So, there’s our 10-point plan. We hope it helps. Oh, but just in case, we definitely recommend working on your skills of running and hiding.